the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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