at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
