we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
