K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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