Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
