from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
