I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
its liver damage thursday
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
