Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
