Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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