my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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