Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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