he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
