god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
