I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You took a bar mat shot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i think im in europe. pls send help
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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