I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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