she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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