oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Alive.
So much puke
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
