I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
