You're my little dorito
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
