Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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