You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
