I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
