So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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