id be glad to
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
