youre lurking in front of me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have post one night stand depression
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