Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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