in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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