Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
