i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
