nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
