I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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