Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
