I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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