No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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