On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
