i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
