Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
