Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
