Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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