we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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