Cold hands, warm shart.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
