Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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