i don't like sucking hair
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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