Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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