she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
