Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
