she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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