What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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