I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
