Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will pee on everything he values.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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