just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
