Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
