I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
